Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Bad news

This is a serious post. No knitty news today. Just so you know.

Well I was watching Walk the Line last night, and I heard this car horn. It kept honking so I went to see where it was. It was in my driveway. I walked out on the porch to see who it was, and it was my aunt.

Now at first I thought, "Oh now what?". I hadn't seen her in years. And as far as I knew she wasn't keeping up with the family. I haven't seen or talked to anyone on my dad's side of the family for a long time. There are a lot of bad memories and most of the people aren't too good either. I have an uncle who has been in and out of jail and has a very bad temper. So I am a bit scared of him and hadn't wanted to be around him. Not just for my sake, but for my kids.

Then there is my grandmother. I haven't seen her since my Papaw died. She has a very bad habit of doing things and saying things that really make you sick. Not to mention the fact that she is always doped up. And what really clinched it for me was, that while she was supposed to be receiving friends after his funeral, she went out and had drinks with another man. While the people were still at the house. That was just so wrong on many levels.

Then a few years back, another aunt comitted suicide. I hadn't seen her in quite awhile and didn't go to her funeral because I just wasn't comfortable with that whole situtation.

Now all of this and more was going through my head when I saw her. So I went to see what she wanted. She just bluntly told me that my dad had died. No small talk first, she just flat out told me. I really didn't know what to say or what to do.
I haven't talked to my dad in a little over a year. In fact the last communication I had from him, he told me that if he died, not to bother coming. At the moment, they still haven't said conclusively what happened. About 10 years ago he had tried to commit suicide. (which is the main reason I didn't go to that aunt's funeral) So I am thinking maybe he did it this time. I just don't know what to feel or think at the moment. I guess it won't seem real until I get all the final details.

It just kind of opens up all kinds of stuff I had hidden away from myself. Sorry, but I just had to get this off my chest.

13 Your Thoughts:

At 10:39 AM, Blogger Kari said...

*hugs*

I have oft wondered how it would be if my ftaher passed... whether I could summon daness or relief...

*hugs* I am sorry

 
At 10:51 AM, Blogger Heather said...

Micky, I am so very sorry. You have to do what is right for you, and no matter what, you will make the right decision.

Trust your heart. I'm so sorry for your loss.

*hug*

 
At 12:40 PM, Blogger Mouse said...

*hugs* I agree with the others.. do what you feel is right in your heart, it won't lead you wrong.

 
At 3:05 PM, Blogger The Shrone said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss! I wish I could comfort you in some way. I think it is harder to lose someone that you had issues with--my heart is with you.

I did get your package yesterday and will blog its goodness. Thank you so much for the extras!

 
At 3:11 PM, Anonymous Kristi aka Fiber Fool said...

A loss is a loss whether we were currently an active participant in that person's life. I'm so sorry for your loss and the abrupt delivery of such news.

 
At 6:41 PM, Blogger Lorette said...

Micky, I'm very sorry. You will come to grips with this, though it may take time. I was estranged from my dad for years when he died, and a couple of decades later I found myself sobbing uncontrollably at his graveside. Let me know how you're doing.

 
At 8:53 AM, Anonymous Heather said...

Oh Micky, I'm so sorry. It's sucks when big time family drama creates such sucky relationships. I hope you can look past the "bad stuff" and mourn properly. I agree with Kristi, a loss is a loss and whatever you maybe feeling right now is ok. It must be very surreal. My heart goes out to you and your family.

 
At 5:36 PM, Blogger Shell said...

*hugs*
Do what you feel is right.

 
At 11:46 AM, Anonymous Gina said...

You know we all love ya dear!!! Email me or text my phone....

 
At 2:25 PM, Blogger lissylaine said...

{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} Micky, I'm so sorry.

 
At 3:06 AM, Blogger kittensmittens said...

I'm so sorry to hear that. Whatever you decide, it will be the right thing to do. stay strong.

 
At 12:15 PM, Blogger snowballinhell said...

Family can be such a struggle to deal with.

I hope things are improving a bit for you, and that you're doing OK. Go easy on yourself. It's always surprising what sort of emotions a death can bring up, so be kind to yourself, please.

 
At 5:23 PM, Blogger ladylinoleum said...

Oh Micky, I am so sorry...my dad died nine years ago and my family has been off ever since. What I'm saying is, that if you need a virtual shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen, I'm here...

*Hugs*

 

Post a Comment

<< Home

Mischief Managed



Listen to Metallica 24/7 on AOL Radio



Click here for episodes and info; click here to subscribe via iTunes, and click here to use this player on your space and win prizes!
HP Knitters
Join | List | Previous | Next | Random | Previous 5 | Next 5 | Skip Previous | Skip Next