This is a serious post. No knitty news today. Just so you know.
Well I was watching Walk the Line last night, and I heard this car horn. It kept honking so I went to see where it was. It was in my driveway. I walked out on the porch to see who it was, and it was my aunt.
Now at first I thought, "Oh now what?". I hadn't seen her in years. And as far as I knew she wasn't keeping up with the family. I haven't seen or talked to anyone on my dad's side of the family for a long time. There are a lot of bad memories and most of the people aren't too good either. I have an uncle who has been in and out of jail and has a very bad temper. So I am a bit scared of him and hadn't wanted to be around him. Not just for my sake, but for my kids.
Then there is my grandmother. I haven't seen her since my Papaw died. She has a very bad habit of doing things and saying things that really make you sick. Not to mention the fact that she is always doped up. And what really clinched it for me was, that while she was supposed to be receiving friends after his funeral, she went out and had drinks with another man. While the people were still at the house. That was just so wrong on many levels.
Then a few years back, another aunt comitted suicide. I hadn't seen her in quite awhile and didn't go to her funeral because I just wasn't comfortable with that whole situtation.
Now all of this and more was going through my head when I saw her. So I went to see what she wanted. She just bluntly told me that my dad had died. No small talk first, she just flat out told me. I really didn't know what to say or what to do.
I haven't talked to my dad in a little over a year. In fact the last communication I had from him, he told me that if he died, not to bother coming. At the moment, they still haven't said conclusively what happened. About 10 years ago he had tried to commit suicide. (which is the main reason I didn't go to that aunt's funeral) So I am thinking maybe he did it this time. I just don't know what to feel or think at the moment. I guess it won't seem real until I get all the final details.
It just kind of opens up all kinds of stuff I had hidden away from myself. Sorry, but I just had to get this off my chest.